previous installment is here
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Name change
"The name change was a horrible idea," Uce brings up the ghost, "and I bet Sas was behind it."
"You mean adding "statistical sciences" to the name of our unit?" someone asks.
"Yeah, this one," Dy sighs, "what the fuck are statistical sciences?"
"Well," Ris says resolutely, "the name change is not necessarily a bad idea. It is just that they have chosen a stupid name."
"Really?" Mek takes the challenge, "is there a better one?"
"Let's see," Ris is warming up, "forget our unit. Take the name of our organization: Government Science Agency. Can you change these words so that the new name is more helpful to mathematics?"
"I would get rid of "Government"," says Ie, "it is way too political. How about "National" instead?"
"National Science Agency? Not bad," says Ris.
"It's about grants and funding, so how about National Science Fundation?" proposes Nna.
"We are getting somewhere," says Ris, "but what is special about mathematics in relation to the rest of the science?"
They sit in silence for a moment.
"I got it!" says Ie, "math is the foundation of all science. So it should be the National Science Foundation."
"Isn't it a good pun," says Ris, "too bad this name change will never happen."
"Why not?" Uce asks, "this would be a great."
"Yeah, good for us and bad for them, that is exactly the problem," Mek explains, "Government Science Agency can study any crap some politician chooses like computer security, climate change or how to build a faster car. National Science Foundation would be limited to mathematics and theoretical physics, for everything else you would really need to make a good case."
"Still," sighs Ie, "it is nice to dream that our life could be a bit easier."
Change of guards
One day Sas announces that he has found another job and in a short time he is gone. His replacement is Chael, a fellow known to be a tough negotiator. There is little doubt that something has to be done quickly, and few days later Chael presents his thoughts to the Mathematics Unit.
"There is compelling evidence that mathematics and the rest of science is coming to an end," he starts, "and although this whole idea of a sale is a bit speculative, there is no harm to assume that this is true as well."
The Program Commanders are sitting at the edge of their seats. This is clearly the most exciting moment in their professional careers.
"To prepare for what is coming it is paramount that we become a part of the solution rather than a part of the problem."
"This will be costly," he continues, "and raising money these days is hard."
He takes a sip of water and goes on.
"For millennia we were telling the deciders that when they halve the resources for mathematics it will take twice as long to reach the same goals. Unfortunately," he sighs, "they finally figured out a thing or two about the exponential growth."
"If you cut the funding by half, you only delay things by a day," he states the obvious, "and this may easily lead to a conclusion that even if you eliminate the funding completely, it would be like a small bump on the road."
"This is the curse of exponential growth and the first step is to deal with it," he hammers his message, "we need to slow things down quite a bit."
"Quite a bit?" someone repeats,
"Well, a lot," says Chael, "we want it to be fucking polynomial, not exponential."
"At the same time, if indeed there is a sale of mathematics, we have to have a strong package, and most likely the exponential growth is the key feature," he brings the second point.
"Somehow we have to sort it out," he ends with a hint of optimism, "I hope the Society of Mathematicians has some ideas."
Joining forces
A few weeks later when Lander shows up, things are a bit different. The Society of Mathematicians wants help and cooperation, and Chael is ready with a suitable package.
He steps up to the lectern and describes his offerings.
"For a distraction," he says, "we propose to close no less than three math centers of international caliber. This is guaranteed to make rank and file scream bloody murder and not pay attention to anything else."
There is profound silence as the Program Commanders are stunned by the audacity of this plan, even if some of these centers outlived their usefulness a while ago.
Chael waits a few seconds and continues, "For a slowdown, I propose generous support for Mathematicus Inutilis program, under the new solicitation called "What You See Is What You Get." We have just released a proposal call."
Again, a bold plan as Mathematicus Inutilis, even though supported rather generously in the past, is generally a nasty complainer making the lives of the Program Commanders miserable.
"However," Chael concludes, "in order to get these things started we want a seat at the table."
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Name change
"The name change was a horrible idea," Uce brings up the ghost, "and I bet Sas was behind it."
"You mean adding "statistical sciences" to the name of our unit?" someone asks.
"Yeah, this one," Dy sighs, "what the fuck are statistical sciences?"
"Well," Ris says resolutely, "the name change is not necessarily a bad idea. It is just that they have chosen a stupid name."
"Really?" Mek takes the challenge, "is there a better one?"
"Let's see," Ris is warming up, "forget our unit. Take the name of our organization: Government Science Agency. Can you change these words so that the new name is more helpful to mathematics?"
"I would get rid of "Government"," says Ie, "it is way too political. How about "National" instead?"
"National Science Agency? Not bad," says Ris.
"It's about grants and funding, so how about National Science Fundation?" proposes Nna.
"We are getting somewhere," says Ris, "but what is special about mathematics in relation to the rest of the science?"
They sit in silence for a moment.
"I got it!" says Ie, "math is the foundation of all science. So it should be the National Science Foundation."
"Isn't it a good pun," says Ris, "too bad this name change will never happen."
"Why not?" Uce asks, "this would be a great."
"Yeah, good for us and bad for them, that is exactly the problem," Mek explains, "Government Science Agency can study any crap some politician chooses like computer security, climate change or how to build a faster car. National Science Foundation would be limited to mathematics and theoretical physics, for everything else you would really need to make a good case."
"Still," sighs Ie, "it is nice to dream that our life could be a bit easier."
Change of guards
One day Sas announces that he has found another job and in a short time he is gone. His replacement is Chael, a fellow known to be a tough negotiator. There is little doubt that something has to be done quickly, and few days later Chael presents his thoughts to the Mathematics Unit.
"There is compelling evidence that mathematics and the rest of science is coming to an end," he starts, "and although this whole idea of a sale is a bit speculative, there is no harm to assume that this is true as well."
The Program Commanders are sitting at the edge of their seats. This is clearly the most exciting moment in their professional careers.
"To prepare for what is coming it is paramount that we become a part of the solution rather than a part of the problem."
"This will be costly," he continues, "and raising money these days is hard."
He takes a sip of water and goes on.
"For millennia we were telling the deciders that when they halve the resources for mathematics it will take twice as long to reach the same goals. Unfortunately," he sighs, "they finally figured out a thing or two about the exponential growth."
"If you cut the funding by half, you only delay things by a day," he states the obvious, "and this may easily lead to a conclusion that even if you eliminate the funding completely, it would be like a small bump on the road."
"This is the curse of exponential growth and the first step is to deal with it," he hammers his message, "we need to slow things down quite a bit."
"Quite a bit?" someone repeats,
"Well, a lot," says Chael, "we want it to be fucking polynomial, not exponential."
"At the same time, if indeed there is a sale of mathematics, we have to have a strong package, and most likely the exponential growth is the key feature," he brings the second point.
"Somehow we have to sort it out," he ends with a hint of optimism, "I hope the Society of Mathematicians has some ideas."
Joining forces
A few weeks later when Lander shows up, things are a bit different. The Society of Mathematicians wants help and cooperation, and Chael is ready with a suitable package.
He steps up to the lectern and describes his offerings.
"For a distraction," he says, "we propose to close no less than three math centers of international caliber. This is guaranteed to make rank and file scream bloody murder and not pay attention to anything else."
There is profound silence as the Program Commanders are stunned by the audacity of this plan, even if some of these centers outlived their usefulness a while ago.
Chael waits a few seconds and continues, "For a slowdown, I propose generous support for Mathematicus Inutilis program, under the new solicitation called "What You See Is What You Get." We have just released a proposal call."
Again, a bold plan as Mathematicus Inutilis, even though supported rather generously in the past, is generally a nasty complainer making the lives of the Program Commanders miserable.
"However," Chael concludes, "in order to get these things started we want a seat at the table."
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