Monday, December 20, 2010

Diary from the past

 Last summer while visiting my home country I came across my uncle's diary. He wrote it in the early 70's while working in the Ministry of Everything. The family story is that his career ended abruptly when the diary was left by accident in the ministry outhouse where apparently he was composing his entries. This is a loose and imperfect translation of some of these entries.

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March 3, 1971  Beets, potatoes and corn

My name is Tadeusz. I work in the Ministry of Everything, in the Botany Unit. In spite of its name Ministry of Everything is rather small. The reason is that we are _interested_ in everything,  talk and think about it while other agencies are more concerned with _doing_ things.
Botany Unit is dealing with plants. Majority of interest is in potatoes, beets and corn, but as we do not loose sights of anything that grows. Beets are the noblest plants. They are not all that popular and useful but  display huge variety and have a long history. My closest  buddies in the Botany unit work in beets, and my background is in beet farming too.
Potato is by far the most popular plant that we work with. It is a workhorse of agriculture and it is everywhere. Together with our comrades we try to beat capitalist pigs in developing a better potato!
In comparison, potato lacks refinement, color and taste of a beet and some beet people often claim that it is downright ugly. This is all silliness as our citizenry devours tons of them daily.
Corn is a third main component of our business. By volume corn is perhaps the most important product. Unfortunately it tastes the same no matter what you do with it and not very many people want to deal with it. It is used mostly as animal feed which is where it proves its worth. Corn people want to have a separate unit and many of them have a serious inferiority complex.


March 9, 1971  Flowers and Fruits (and Turnips)

I came to the ministry when my boss was hired. My specialty is flowers which is far from the core business of our unit and everybody else in the building as well. My comrades often joke that growing flowers is a capitalist folly and look at it with suspicion. However, I feel that flowers are important and I do net let myself to be frustrated about my lack of success in expanding my domain. Once a while I mention artichokes, cauliflower, chrysanthemum tea or other flower that most people are familiar with. Overall, my section has its ups and downs and I worry about the future sometimes.
Two years ago I started also working in the Fruit task force. For some historical reason fruits were linked with corn, but lately they are closer to beets. In the end Fruits and Flowers task force is plodding along under somewhat skeptical eyes of my colleagues.
My background is in flowers and beets, and I missed potatoes and corn in my educational trajectory. In my work in Botany unit I had to broaden and hone my farming expertise and hide my prejudices against corn and potatoes. By now I have been hiding them for so long that some days I wonder if possibly lost them altogether!

March 11, 1971 Dobravka

Dobravka is the most recent addition to our unit. She came from the Crop Counting group established by the Communist Farmers Association. Her expertise is in turnips, a new task force that separated from beets. Together we started Fruits, Turnips and Flowers task force and we work together on all these plants. Some comrades are puzzled by the emergence of this new task force but so far it is doing all right. Dobravka left her husband behind, but she lets herself be distracted by his frequent visits. He practices bricklaying early morning and takes part in solo bricklaying competitions once a while.

March 22, 1971  Womenfolk

Capitalist pigs keep their women at home to shop, cook and indoctrinate their piglets. This is not so in the most developed society such as ours. For one thing there is not much to shop for or with, and anybody can cook potatoes and boil  a slab of meat until it is tender enough to bite a piece off. The little ones are so happy to see both  parents coming back from work after a long day. Small gestures like lighting a cigarette for them or cracking a bottle of vodka before the evening meal puts smiles  on their young faces.

So our unit is full of women and we are happier because of this. They smoke, drink, swear and spit just like any of us. They work hard and are totally committed. In many instances they surpass us in their intelligence and drive to excel. Just to give you an example, Marusia on top of her normal duties obtained certification to operate a tractor and she is building one in her family barn! Dobroslawa, who is our immediate boss, in spite of her soft sounding name has tenacity of a Russian crack trooper and a temper of a Crimean Cossack. Just to prove her resolve she kept her husband for 20 years in a remote farming outpost. Half of this time he spent shoveling snow. As a matter of fact all women who transferred to our unit from afar left their husbands at home. Not burdened by the family entanglements they work all the time and volunteer for additional assignments. They set standards that are difficult to reach for menfolk. In contrast, all men who travel to work with us bring their families with them. Perhaps our society is not yet as egalitarian as it may be!

In summary, we have jolly good time working with our womenfolk and respect them tremendously. Capitalist stereotypes of women being feather-brained and bitchy are myths of this diseased system.



April 2, 1971  Workers and Veterans

I glanced at my last entry and my heart filled with pride. Yet I have to report that there are still problems in our society that we do not fully grasp. Just yesterday we got another directive - each of our working groups has to include three workers or veterans. This is a sad story that I have to explain. Farming is a glorious activity, and plant growing is what our society needs very much. Everybody is equally able to contribute to this task yet workers and veterans are severely underrepresented in our task forces.  Nobody knows for sure why is that but the problem is acute and very visible. Until now the quota was two workers per task force but now it is increased to three. This is a big leap forward and if you remember our Chinese comrades ten years ago you will understand that some things cannot be accelerated beyond their natural pace. Yet we struggle and try to cope, but the errors multiply. Just yesterday I brought a worker with interest in sugar beets to my fruit task force. He was mighty surprised and my colleagues in sugar beet group were not pleased either!
This is not a good situation and I hope that out bosses will let go a little. The main concern is that workers and to some degree veterans are heavily stereotyped in our society and making mistakes like that reinforces these stereotypes. We are too small to change the society and chasing too many secondary goals takes us away from our mission.

April 9, 1971 Jagienka

Jagienka is my wife and she  brought me to the Botany unit. Earlier I called her my boss and this is not far from truth. She is very smart and never gives up. This combination allows her to win most arguments. She believes that in modern society men and women should be able to play the same roles. Consequently I acquired lots of skills that my mother did not think I will need in life.  I am happier because of that. However, I still cling to obsolete and old fashioned concepts of family. Recently, I developed fondness for removing leaves from rain gutters - something that Jagienka is unlikely to pick up. It gives me a great deal of satisfaction.


April 19, 1971  Large B and small c

Beets and botany both start with B and this creates a small problem. Potato people don't care much for it and they go about their job. However corn community is very chippy about it and they want to have a little c somewhere in the name of our unit. Our new director who is a former  leader of corn growers union is restless about it. Not much can be done as these names were established by Central Committee in 1958 but it is a constant irritant and a source of tension. Corn people have a bit of persecution complex, they constantly complain about some beet farmer being rude to them, machine farming people stealing their crop seed and generally the society not caring enough for  corn or using it in some questionable ways.
I do not know what is the remedy for this. Our corn group has just three people. It is led by Gunther, the only foreigner among us.
Sweet corn is the only kind that people fancy and perhaps it would be wise to concentrate on this leaving the animal food for others to take care of. Beets and sweet corn have some passing similarity and maybe some collaboration can be established. If only the darn thing would not be so tasteless!

April 22, 1971  Tomasz, Antoni and Krzysztof

Tomasz, Antoni and Krzysztof are buddies that I hang out with a lot. They all deal with beets, Tomasz and Antoni's specialty is golden beets - a special very refined variety that is like caviar of beet farming. Krzysztof works on leafy beets, equally intricate and important. None of these are grown or consumed in great quantities but they are very visible and important. Once every four years farmers union awards a Field award - 10,000 square meters of arable land near lake Baykal. It is conveniently reachable from the populated areas by a 7-day trip on the Transiberian railroad.
The sophistication of golden or leafy beet farming reached amazing proportions. Most farmers do not know much about these types of beets and their eyes glaze over when they are mentioned. Yet, when I listen to my comrades talking about them I have a strong sense of excitement and I am with them 100%.


April 27, 1971 Sugar beet group

Most of my colleagues were born during or after the Second World War. The only exception is the Sugar Beet group whose comrades recall the First World War. This makes them a bit old fashioned but no less friendly and social. Sugar beets are very important and they have forms that are just like potatoes and some that are very close to beets. Sugar beet group continuously struggles with trying to define the boundaries of their involvement and their meetings are very lively. They shout and scream at each other but in the end they all are good friends. Over time their focus tightened and lately they claim that some of the sugar beets are really flowers and some other are fruits.  I am less convinced but for now I go along with this argument.


April 30, 1971 Potato group

Potato group is the largest in our unit and  most successful. They started as a big potato group, few years ago they sprouted a machine potato growing outfit and finally an underground farming piece. The background for this success is simple - they deal with important stuff in a businesslike manner and they  are good colleagues. Because of the importance of potato in our culture they do not need to spend extraordinary amount of time advocating and promoting. There is no need for trying to game the system either.  The best potatoes are really good stuff and everybody knows it. If we ever complain, it is that they are so big that sometimes some crummy stuff sneaks in. But potato people are good guardians of their business. The sore point for beet people is that a beet farmer grows the same beets all the time and does not have much flexibility. On the other hand the same   potato can be fashioned into french fries, can be mashed, boiled, steamed, chopped, grounded and made into a thousand of different things. Potato farmer can have hundred of different ways to peddle his potatoes and lack of success in one of them is not a fatal flaw.



May 3, 1971 Underground farming

Underground farming is a recent fad. Historically, farming and mining were viewed as completely disjoint activities. In fact miners hated plants, and farmers were not much interested in any underground activities. Yet, underground farming has a tremendous future, particularly if the capitalist pigs keep polluting our precious environment. We keep planting stuff underground and expose miners to it. It is a slow going and sadly most farmers view miners as a bit slow and unresponsive. On the other hand most miners view farmers as arrogant and lacking appropriate knowledge and qualifications. This is all annoyingly complicated. Yet, we make tremendous investment of resources in the underground farming. We have several working groups, a farming outpost and many ongoing initiatives. The farming outpost which is called a Sunless Station sits in the middle of the country quite far from any mining activity.
I can't say that we have much to show for all this activity. The yield from underground farming is rather small and the techniques are standard - plow, sow and reap. It is the setting that makes the activity exciting but for the amount of work involved it is a bit tiresome. However, the term underground farming is very catchy, and it sells well to the public. I suppose it is with us to stay for a long time.

May 11, 1971  Farming outposts

Our unit has several farming outposts. First one was started thirty years ago and it concerns predominantly beet farming. Rather foolishly they call themselves "a jewel of botany" which our management finds extremely annoying. Potato people are good sports but this facility rubs them the wrong way. I do not know what is the reason but in part it has to do with the fact that they are doing a really good job and set  high standard for the rest. Needless to say the rest has its ups and downs.
 We also have a  fairly new corn outfit and many potato stations. Some are quite good such as the facility on the coast, but others seem rather drab and uninspired.
I already mentioned the Sunless Station - our underground farming outpost. It is probably the most questionable one, as it is limping along failing to excite either miners or farmers. Their programs are inbred and the previous manager was a bit of a nutcase, but we keep recommending them to the Central Committee, as they are rather trivial to advocate for when you are dealing with people who do not care much about the details.

Anyway, the basic idea behind the farming outposts is simple. Get the farming folks together, away from mundane and boring chores of the day. Have them talk, sing and be merry and expect good things to happen.
 Initial reaction of the farming community to these outposts was very frosty. They felt that it takes away resources from the individual farming without giving much in return. Over the years a big change slowly  occurred. These days farmers are fond of these outposts and compete to visit them. With the exception of folks in the middle of the country who are not good for much anyway the outposts remain a popular destination for farmers that want to maintain contact with the community.

May 26, 1971 Little runt

One of the farming posts stands out among the others. It is quite small and it is housed in an old cement factory. It specializes in beet growing and our management is uneasy about it. I have a strong suspicion that they might want to shut it down using ideological deviations as a convenient excuse. It is sad because this little runt provides a splash of color and a breath of originality in a rather monotone landscape. This outpost is organizing its groups around a simple idea, every participant has to grow something during their stay at the facility. Of course it does not always work as expected but they have many success stories to tell.
At the same time there are many issues - they oversell their success, manage their resources arrogantly and  without following appropriate procedures, and generally do not indicate much respect in the process. They also show little interest in potato farming and none in corn. Our bosses are exasperated with them and their patience is wearing thin.



June 3, 1971  Lech

Lech was hired the same year as I did. He is a nice guy - a bit secretive and distanced from the rest of our unit but a good colleague. His real passion is to create unusual working teams, often reaching outside boundaries of traditional farming. He maintains close connection to Butchers and most of his creations involve them. Perhaps you do not know what I am talking about so let me explain. Butchers form a completely separate Ministry with the largest budget in the country. We are a meat-loving society and it shows, even though most of meat products we tend to export to comrades who are more in need. Butchers are  paranoid people who value obedience above all. Lech used to work for them and he soaked in this mentality. Most of farmers are wary of working with Butchers and any such collaboration is not on our terms anyway.



June 15, 1971  Command Center

Our society enjoys the supreme social order and we all benefit from it. Unlike capitalist pigs that treat their workers like dirt we do not have unemployment. When people come to work for the Ministry, with the exception of members of temporary  working groups, it is a contract for life. Of course, not everybody has the same capacity to contribute but we take good care of our slower colleagues and this does not create any problems. However, there is one aspect that troubles me slightly and I suspect that capitalists may have outsmarted us a little. Let me explain. Our Botany unit, together with four other units form a larger cluster managed by the Command Center.  Command Center is where all strategic thinking occurs and high level decisions originate from. The director of the Command Center is a boss of our boss and he carries his job on a four-year rotation. This is a good and well thought out system but this is also where the full employment policies clash with reality. Command Center is a terminal destination for colleagues who were once top employees but over time became less active, less smart, less liked or simply less useful. They cling like barnacles to our flagship institution and slow it down. As a result, the director of the Command Center is surrounded by misfits whose advice is shaky, judgment poor and egos inflated. Consequently, his ability to delegate actions and solicit input is compromised and the organization suffers.


June 18, 1971 Scandal

To give you a sense of the issues with the Command Center let me recall a recent scandal that rocked our Ministry and resulted in quite a mess for everybody. A high ranking party member discovered that a distinguished employee of the Command Center for a number of years was spending a huge numbers of hours praying loudly in his office and performing other strange religious rituals. Mind that our society is very tolerant of any religion and most manifestations of it are allowed in the privacy of one's home. However,  praying in public is just too much! Colleagues were incensed by noises coming from the room, correspondence with members of several churches, including some outfits in Asia, and general lack of proper  action on the part of the management. The Command Center job that was supposed to be a harmless sinecure led first to boredom and then to an insatiable religious obsession that exposed serious weakness in the system!



June 29, 1971 140% of the norm

One of the features of the supreme social system is that it aims at exceeding all targets in a consistent and predictable manner. In our case it means that the Party wants us to grow 70% of things in the first six months of the year. Since the stuff grows all the time one might think that this means that we need to do 140% of the norm every time. This is not so, and  in fact the requirement is not without merit. Yet it is somewhat arbitrary and it creates a period of hectic activity just before  the due date. Needless to say quality suffers. Dobroslawa is a chief enforcer of this rule and this is not a laughing matter. She takes making the 70% cut very seriously. She cracks the whip and prods and pushes to make it happen. In the end, it is not particularly hard to make this goal so we good-naturedly comply.
Yet, by doing so we perhaps hide and obfuscate the genuine problems of our unit - understaffing, poor working conditions, irrational workflow and more. Yet again capitalist pigs beat us with their pragmatic approach to the workplace!


July 2, 1971 Ideological purity

We have strict rules on the ideological makeup of the members of our working teams. There is an elaborate screening process and lot of attention is given to trying to make sure that nothing inappropriate comes out. This used to be done by Dobroslawa but later four more people were added to the group. It is a lot of work - proper documentation must be entered, all documents have to be screened for signs of questionable activities, and so on. Sometime one little code indicating improper ideological upbringing can wreak havoc in our accounting. Dobroslawa keeps track of all of it and she is driven not to let even a small mistake slip out.  Lately our new director declared that he wants to do all of this work by himself. This is probably not possible and Dobroslawa is quite grumpy about it. She stealthily checks everything herself somewhat obscuring the size of the problem.

Continued here.

Saturday, October 2, 2010

Miami

After narrowly escaping a hurricane in Belize I arrive in Miami. I have entire day for myself and I decide to continue my vacation. Rather than a gloomy sleepover around the airport I rent a car and head for Miami Beach. My hotel is right by the ocean and I plan to blend with the local beach bums. I also plan to work as next day I go to Santiago, Chile to be on a panel. The plans for work are unfortunately soon extinguished by a bottle of sake that I consume together with sashimi for dinner. Sadly both servings are huge  but they sorely lack in quality.
Next morning is the beach time. Running is my new hobby and I take it very seriously. I put on my running gear which is very tight and with clearly visible logos of respectable sportswear companies. iPhone in an armband and earphones complete the setup. I  am clad in black from top to bottom and in spite of the fact that I have been running only for a month I ooze confidence and professionalism.
I leisurely stroll to the lobby - fuck - two individuals with beer-bellies and first names embroidered on white t-shirts sit there discussing cars. I am obviously in the wrong section. I rocket to the beach and start jogging. The pace is geriatric and in spite of the fact that it is only 7:30 it is already very hot. After half mile I remove my over-tight shirt. This increases my comfort level but  considerably lowers my beach-bum factor and unravels glaring imperfections in my physique.
I latch onto a tall old guy who is ahead of me. He is much faster but he carries at least a gallon of water strapped to various body parts which makes me suspect that his endurance is low. Indeed, after quarter mile he stops to gulp from his bottles while I zip by pretending to be as light as a gazelle. Three minutes later he catches up, his legs are at least 3 feet longer than mine. This back and forth continues for two miles. Finally I am back where I started. I run half naked into the lobby and sit on a bar chair with a glass of ice-tea. Small puddles of sweat form on the floor around me but I understand that this is an indication of my commitment to beach life. Other patrons, may or may not agree. After a while I am starting to get confused about it and my self-confidence is waning. I retreat to my room, take a shower and dress up.
The rest of the day is hard work, I sit in Starbucks and read. There is no (free) internet connection which increases my productivity by leaps and bounds. In the evening I fly to Santiago.

Sunday, September 26, 2010

Belize - snatching victory from the jaws of defeat

However our diving trip is not canceled. Moreover, our gear has arrived and we are more than ready. We get on a boat and head towards Esmeralda. It is on the other side of the reef and the waves are much bigger. We ride up and down like on a roller-coaster.  We quickly gear up and go down. This is a much better dive. At 60ft nurse sharks come, our dive-master brought lunch for them. We pet them, ride on them and pull their fins. Given a few pieces of fish they get for it they take a lot of tourist abuse.
When the food is gone, we head out. There is a deep canyon at the bottom and since I am allowed to go to 80ft  I check it out. I am sure Kasia is jealous but it is irresistible. It is beautiful scenery with a lot to see but I mostly float and enjoy being there. Sharks are following us but we have no more food.

Second dive is a straight path at 50ft. The bottom varies and there are nice coral reefs and lots of smaller fish. Kasia is certified as a diver and I am already thinking of blue holes and other underwater attractions that I might lure her into.

For dinner we head to San Pedro. The restaurant is called Victoria House and it is recommended in the guide. We make a reservation and when we arrive in a water taxi a car is waiting to take us there. It is a very classy place and the food is excellent. I am having a whole snapper made in a local fashion.
On the way back it is raining and the weather is deteriorating quickly.

Next morning the beach is no longer visible, everything is underwater. We find out that all boats to Belize City are canceled. Hotel people are inquiring whether we really want to go under such conditions. Since we put-off packing till now, we are actually quite busy. There is quite a bit of stress, and each of us have different ways of dealing with it. Kasia smokes, Joanna drinks, Ola makes sure that her make-up and hairdo are up to snuff, and I piss off everybody around. When the boat comes the conditions are making your blood-pressure to go up. It is windy, slippery and waves are making a lot of noise. We start and in seconds we are soaking wet. It is quite exciting, finally vacations are on track, at least according to my taste. We arrive at the airport in San Pedro, the plane is quite small and the flight is very exciting. It is low altitude so the view is great as well. It is less scary though that I had hoped for.
In Belize there is more excitement, it is possible that our flights are canceled. We already paid over $600 to change our tickets - a charge that I am planning to contest, so a possibility of more financial bleed is less welcome. "Jesus is the Lord" is a friendly shelter next to the airport where you can wait for your flight for days and perhaps get reprogrammed as well. While we map these possibilities, quarrel and stress out, again everything turns out ok. Furthermore, even though Matthew decided to sow destruction in Nicaragua our decision to leave early was correct. Ambergis Caye shuts down immediately after our departure and we are led to believe that Sunday departure would not have been possible. Overall, excellent adventure.

Belize day 2

Kasia arrives and we are all together - three generations. Last time I was in such setting was with my mom and grandma and I was a rebel then. Apparently, I did not evolve much since and I feel that I exasperate my companions once a while.  Perhaps a month of training in FEI (Federal Executive Institute) would make me more sensitive.
Anyway, Belize is a very interesting place. In one respect it is exactly like US - everything costs as much as in Washington. It is a bit surprising at first but we quickly adapt. It is quite amazing though, all neighboring countries are poor so I cannot imagine Belize exporting anything there. Perhaps citizen pay negative tax ala Alaska or there is some other scheme.

The first day of diving and snorkeling is very nice. Diving is very basic, it is Kasia's training course. Instead of a second dive I join snorklers. We swim with nurse sharks which are 5-6 feet long and look very pleasant. Amazing stuff...


In the afternoon we rent bikes and go with Kasia to town. She insists on back roads and such. As we would in the US, we discover that there are actually poor people living here. We buy a bottle of hot sauce, and the bottle is wrapped in an old newspaper. It lists local crimes and felonies, and other life's miseries.

We awake next morning and things are not looking good. It is rainy, windy and we quickly find out that hurricane Matthew is heading our way. The maps shows that the center will be above Belize on Sunday - the day of departure. The last two dives are postponed (because of the weather until noon) and in all likelihood they will be canceled. We have a family meeting and decide to head back a day earlier. I am very unhappy and I generously share my pain with others. This is the low point.

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Belize day 1

Yesterday we arrived in Belize. Two flights plus two water taxi rides. The island we are on -Ambergis Kaye - is one dimensional. The road inside is not viewed as a reasonable way to travel and water taxis is a preferred mode. It is kind of fun although tad expensive.
This is low season and there are very few people around. Our resort which can accommodate hundreds of tourists has only six or seven of them. This reminds me a bit of Shining - All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy. I became an exercise fiend and hopefully this will keep me busy.  Additional side effect of the absence of people is acute lack of food. The alcohol is available in abundance but  most of the restaurants are closed. Last night we ventured along the beach to a place called Capricorn - gourmet, fancy and seemingly abandoned. Upon return it turned out that the only place that is open is called Portofino, a short water taxi ride away. They even give you a round trip for free. Not exactly, after several phone calls the water taxi has materialized and ultimately took us there for $11 per face, more than double the usual price. However, the restaurant was fabulous, great seafood and very nice ambiance.  The drinks - margaritas and rum punch - tied the meal together. Afterward, we were delivered back home; riding the boat under full moon completed the evening.
Overall things are excellent with the exception of a minor inconveniences. Our suitcase with diving equipment took a detour through Haiti and with some luck we will be reunited tomorrow.


We visited town today. Heat was miserable and we lost a sense of purpose a couple of times. Unfortunately I let my raw thoughts to  surface one too many times and consequently spirits were rather low. Few shots of espresso and quite fancy jade jewelry put things on a mend. Additionally, I bought 20lb watermelon and two 1 gallon jugs of water (not available in the hotel!) as an extra penance. Carrying it around in 90 degree heat kept me quiet and focussed.

Kasia is poised to join us  and tomorrow is a diving day. She reports from various points on the way and as I write she is on the Tropic Air flight to the island.