My religious studies initiated in my former post led me to the discovery (via a hint from the Almighty herself) of a God-talkie, a device that allows two way communication with the Creator. The device is widely available, although currently the demand exceeds supply. It is an iPhone 5, and its precursor iPhone 4S - and the communication with Almighty is channeled by Siri. I received my own long awaited copy of the iPhone 5 yesterday and immediately started on several simple tests.
The un-earthly provenience of some components of the iPhone is quite clear. In spite of having four cores, twice as many as its predecessor, the device does not seem any faster. The simplest explanation for this fact is that only two of the cores are available to the user, while the remaining two have a special purpose. One is controlled by the National Security Agency under the provisions of Patriot Act, and the other is the long awaited God-communicator.
I will report on the early results of my testing momentarily, but let me start with a brief history of the God-talkie, an odyssey that is not widely known.
Legacy of Steve Jobs
A lot has been written about Steve Jobs, but the big picture is still largely hidden from the public. It is time to reveal some of these details as they will eventually become a part of his sainthood application.
In the mid 70's Steve Jobs on a trip to the Mountain States encountered religious people who claimed constant, two-way communication with God. Skeptical of the messengers, but curious about the message, Steve took this as a sign that required proper interpretation and a corresponding action. Indeed, a simple letter permutation led him to what he described himself as "a positive life-changing experience" - an ingestion of a large quantity of LSD. It was not an ordinary acid trip, but rather a destiny seeking exploit. The details are sketchy, but at some point there was a moment when enveloped in a purple haze and surrounded by ordinarily inanimate objects talking to one another, he was charged with the development of a God-talkie, a task that took over a quarter of century and was completed with the announcement of iPhone 4S on October 4, 2011. What most of us would have chalked up as a bad trip, Steve has taken with utmost seriousness. For the next 35 years, he built one of the most profitable companies on the planet, created exotic needs that he subsequently fulfilled, and experimented with the designs of a God-talkie. He had to wait for the technology to develop that would allow his device to be small, portable and endowed with a jewel-like body. In fact, the only hint of a higher purpose of his devices is that he would not compromise on the aesthetics and refuse fugly designs that dominate modern electronics industry. The history is well known, early version of Mac computers, NeXT machine known as "God's Macintosh", long forgotten Newton - this is just a long list of baby-steps toward a single most important technological discovery in the history of humanity, and a fulfillment of a dream of every prophet. And when the mission was finally accomplished, Steve was recalled from Earth on the next day, leaving the final steps in hands of millions of underpaid Chinese workers and the UPS.
Of course, Steve was sworn to secrecy and his plans were not to be revealed to anybody. Yet, as a mere mortal he was allowed to create a symbol, a road sign, a powerful message to himself that would keep his energy in total focus for what he knew will be the rest of his life. The symbol is of course the logo of the Apple Company, perhaps the most recognizable industry logo on the planet, yet also the one whose meaning is the least understood. Apple's logo is of course an apple, duh, and this triviality hides the truth in plain sight. What Steve Jobs had in mind is of course Adam's apple, the fruit from the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil, and what is crucially important, the one with its missing bite. This bite was the first step that humanity took on a path to self-awareness. It made us see our nakedness, which led toward wearing climate appropriate clothing, building fashion industry, and rubbing off a lot of unnecessary body hair, all of great importance for individuals valuing personal hygiene and aesthetic appearance. But I am straying…
Popular mythology portrays Adam's Apple as originating from Satan and facilitated by reptiles and women. It is a painful stereotype that needs to be addressed by emphasizing that the effect of consuming fruits from the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil could be two-fold. So Steve, not a biblical scholar, understood the duality and the first commercial God-talkie was available in black and white versions. The technological issues in manufacturing a white version, endless delays and odd sounding problems, are all well publicized and indicate greater forces at work.
Building a God-talkie is an engineering tour-de-force, but genius of Steve Jobs saw several steps ahead, and an apple is a great metaphor. Because apple is a food of a childhood, symbol of nourishment and good oral hygiene, and when fermented, a great source of enjoyment. Steve's message as we are approaching the end of the sixth millennium is that we desperately need a second bite from that apple. There is just so much stuff that we need to be aware of, and God-talkie is a device that may help us to sort it all out. This is what sustained his endless hours spent on peddling overpriced hardware to unsuspecting audience, his relentless drive to perfection, and fearlessness when confronted with customers who were forced to pay way more for gadgets with fewer features, clearly a requirement of God-specs that at that point nobody knew about.
Last but not least, pairing a God-talkie with an ordinary phone is another stroke of genius. While having long conversations with the Creator may not really be meant for everybody, the device combined with Skype allows a conversation, with minimal expense, between just about any two human beings on the planet. So even if the chatting with the Creator will not amount to much, we can and should use the device to talk to one another! It is the last hope for a planet that is quickly rolling off the cliff.
God-talkie - first impressions
With the device in hand and fully configured I started with the essentials - downloading my music and movies, all 30 gigabytes of it. I respect my music, and my choices should give the Creator a good sense of my human attributes and set the tone for the future exchanges. Talking to God is not easy, and frankly the selection of questions is not obvious. At first I wanted to know the important stuff - is the planet safe for the next fifty years? no major earthquakes, comets, gamma-ray bursts in the vicinity? is somebody going to drop a nuke on us? does Higgs boson exist? But seriously, what would I do with the answers? It is someone else's work to ask these questions. So I started like a mathematician, let's be more basic and easily verifiable. Nervously, and with somewhat shaky voice I asked:" Siri, where am I?" In few seconds Apple maps interface showed up and a blinking blue dot indicated my location. I was stunned, the map showed the location of my soul instead of my body! My street and my house were completely gone and a large green area surrounding the blue dot resembled the Garden of Eden. I was elated by this confirmation of the devices' ability, and made a quick mental note to never use it for earthly navigation.
For the next question I decided to be more probing and to venture a bit into unknown. With a bit more confidence I asked "Siri, who am I?" This time the result was also surprising, but I was not sure whether Siri was channeling for the Creator or the National Security Agency. After a minute or so, the device started showing my Social Security number, credit card history and a list of recently visited web sites that I distinctly remembered as looking at in the "Private browsing" mode. Obviously, it is the details that define us, but I was taken aback but somewhat one-dimensional picture that was revealed. Yet, among the flurry of my financial records and job related correspondence (which most definitely is confidential), I glimpsed an image of a small yellow plastic bear. I purloined it from the doctor's office when I was six years old and I still am a bit uneasy about it. Apparently the Creator thinks that it is an issue as well.
In the end I was getting a bit depressed with the paucity of really good questions, for which the answers could have a significant behavior altering effect. Can the Creator tell me something that will really make a difference even for a moment?
In desperation I asked "Siri, will I wake up tomorrow?" In a flash, words "probably" blinked on the screen, the alarm clock interface popped and Siri gently inquired about the wake-up call. Finally, a morsel that I was hoping for! I decided to leave dirty dishes in the sink, had a sip of nice bourbon, and went to bed without brushing my teeth.
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