This continues my uncle's diary from here.
Transmutation
The year is coming to an end and there is new stuff to report. The story is simple: the Command Center has been hijacked! Old comrades are not particularly surprised but newbies like me are stunned. But let me start from the beginning.
Ministry of Everything has many units and one of them is called the Chem Unit. After a recent reorganization it is now divided between four sub-sections - Air, Fire, Water and Earth. This time-honored Aristotelian classification seems to stimulate our Chem comrades intellectually and it connects us to modernity by providing budget drivers for the entire Ministry of Everything.
Our fellow comrades in the Chem Unit are not very different from us, other than their unusual fondness for verking, a preferred way of getting things done. But never mind, their main problem is a massive inferiority complex. On the surface they have phenomenal foresight and a vision of an upcoming scientific discovery, but when it comes down to staking a claim, they often get everything wrong. It is not clear whether heuristics gets in the way of their analytical thinking or whether it is something else, but their record is littered with theories involving changing rubbish into gold, flogiston and curing cancer with vitamin C. So they verk hard, keep quiet and do not speak at the meetings. Well, until now.
Over the last year they surreptitiously replaced every comrade in the Command Center with one of their own! As often happens, nobody noticed until a gigantic Mendeleev table appeared at the entrance to the Command Center and the New Year’s party involved a spelling-bee competition featuring unpronounceable names of chemical compounds. Needless to say, the top three spots (awarded 20 pound bags of onions each) were all won by chemists!
The Botany Unit tries to play along. In the coming year we will be bringing in new programs and initiatives. Plants and Elements, Plant chemistry and I love carbon, are just a few examples. Our Hammer and Sickle training program includes now a new set of drills and I am happy to report that new comrades can recite all elements that start with P and have two vowels, compute sum of valencies of all metals or perform even more complicated mental tasks. There are subtle changes in our environment as well. A complete set of Paracelsus' works now adorns the reception area, and we have commissioned an oil painting of Madame du Chatelet to display between two scrofulous plants in our windowless foyer (some comrades argue that Madame Curie would have been a safer choice.) All together, a lot of thinking goes towards appeasing chemists who are brimming with anger after centuries of disrespect.
At the moment things are fine though. Other than slowly reducing the flow of the resources and snooping around with an eye to nano-managing, the comrades in the Command Center enjoy leadership positions and try not to over-verk themselves.
Happy New Year
Remarkably, the Botany Unit is weathering these events well, given that this has been the worst year on record: deep divisions and polarization in the Central Committee, suffocation followed by the shutdown, and a ten percent reduction in seed allocation, now followed by this chemical invasion. Perhaps things cannot be worse, and we have been watching it unravel with morbid curiosity. Yet strangely enough, the Botany Unit is infused with hope and optimism. It is as if, pushed against the wall and surrounded by stronger enemies, you suddenly find a six-shooter in your pocket. How can that be? Well, in a time of crisis, old Communist principles kick in. What you stand for matters more than who you are. In our case these are beets, potatoes and corn - the basic products of the Botany Unit. Perhaps not enough to defeat capitalist pigs and save the planet, but certainly things that are our pride and responsibility.
Continued here.
Transmutation
The year is coming to an end and there is new stuff to report. The story is simple: the Command Center has been hijacked! Old comrades are not particularly surprised but newbies like me are stunned. But let me start from the beginning.
Ministry of Everything has many units and one of them is called the Chem Unit. After a recent reorganization it is now divided between four sub-sections - Air, Fire, Water and Earth. This time-honored Aristotelian classification seems to stimulate our Chem comrades intellectually and it connects us to modernity by providing budget drivers for the entire Ministry of Everything.
Our fellow comrades in the Chem Unit are not very different from us, other than their unusual fondness for verking, a preferred way of getting things done. But never mind, their main problem is a massive inferiority complex. On the surface they have phenomenal foresight and a vision of an upcoming scientific discovery, but when it comes down to staking a claim, they often get everything wrong. It is not clear whether heuristics gets in the way of their analytical thinking or whether it is something else, but their record is littered with theories involving changing rubbish into gold, flogiston and curing cancer with vitamin C. So they verk hard, keep quiet and do not speak at the meetings. Well, until now.
Over the last year they surreptitiously replaced every comrade in the Command Center with one of their own! As often happens, nobody noticed until a gigantic Mendeleev table appeared at the entrance to the Command Center and the New Year’s party involved a spelling-bee competition featuring unpronounceable names of chemical compounds. Needless to say, the top three spots (awarded 20 pound bags of onions each) were all won by chemists!
The Botany Unit tries to play along. In the coming year we will be bringing in new programs and initiatives. Plants and Elements, Plant chemistry and I love carbon, are just a few examples. Our Hammer and Sickle training program includes now a new set of drills and I am happy to report that new comrades can recite all elements that start with P and have two vowels, compute sum of valencies of all metals or perform even more complicated mental tasks. There are subtle changes in our environment as well. A complete set of Paracelsus' works now adorns the reception area, and we have commissioned an oil painting of Madame du Chatelet to display between two scrofulous plants in our windowless foyer (some comrades argue that Madame Curie would have been a safer choice.) All together, a lot of thinking goes towards appeasing chemists who are brimming with anger after centuries of disrespect.
At the moment things are fine though. Other than slowly reducing the flow of the resources and snooping around with an eye to nano-managing, the comrades in the Command Center enjoy leadership positions and try not to over-verk themselves.
Happy New Year
Remarkably, the Botany Unit is weathering these events well, given that this has been the worst year on record: deep divisions and polarization in the Central Committee, suffocation followed by the shutdown, and a ten percent reduction in seed allocation, now followed by this chemical invasion. Perhaps things cannot be worse, and we have been watching it unravel with morbid curiosity. Yet strangely enough, the Botany Unit is infused with hope and optimism. It is as if, pushed against the wall and surrounded by stronger enemies, you suddenly find a six-shooter in your pocket. How can that be? Well, in a time of crisis, old Communist principles kick in. What you stand for matters more than who you are. In our case these are beets, potatoes and corn - the basic products of the Botany Unit. Perhaps not enough to defeat capitalist pigs and save the planet, but certainly things that are our pride and responsibility.
Continued here.
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