Scientists of the future

About a couple of percent of the population has what it takes to be a scientist, but lately we are having trouble meeting this quota. There are many thorny issues regarding underrepresentation in science, so let me focus on the most fragile and threatened group - the US born male. For some reason, USBMs are missing in action! I know, becoming a scientist means financial ruin in the near-term and a low probability of actually joining the scientific workforce in the long-term; the educational system is driven by greed; your future colleagues are a pack of wolves, and so on: there are multiple reasons to stay away. Therefore, rather than trying to figure out what drives USBMs away from universities and research labs, I decided to find out where are they are running to. And this brings me to the second topic, which is

Nerdy bartenders

Have you been to a bar lately? I am not talking about a place where you get respite from the challenges in your life in the company of equally miserable people,  but rather a place where you go to explore and study. Bars like The Passenger, The Aviary or The Dead Rabbit to name just a few.

My induction into alcohol drinking followed a path of blackouts and humiliations,  and only recently under the patient guidance of my daughter's boyfriend have I started recognizing the finer aspects of mixology and visiting establishments where this art is performed. Needless to say this is where I solved the puzzle of the missing scientific workforce. For when you enter one of those bars, you are entering a modern science lab. There are hundreds of bottles containing tinctures, extracts, infusions, elixirs and so on, liquid gases, centrifuges, and of course the Higgs field that makes it all possible. These are not places where drinks are made, but also invented, discussed and studied. Honestly, if Newton had frequented any of these bars he would have manufactured the philosopher's  stone and left the  calculus for  Leibnitz. A modern bar is a stimulating place to be. This is where USBMs would excitedly discuss the virtues of lime zest versus lemon peel, kinds of cherries that go into your Manhattan, essential oils that are squirted onto the rim of your glass, shaken versus stirred, the morphology of ice cubes, and so on: the list is nearly endless. All the paradigms of the scientific method are observed: careful repetition of successful experiments (e.g. multi-layer validation), blind-testing, random sampling, etc.  The parallels with universities are plentiful, as the modern bar is a place for being imaginative and creative in the most collaborative spirit.  Many of the miseries of academic life (boring meetings, vengeful colleagues, administrators that make your life living hell) are pushed into the background.  Bars used to cater predominantly to USBMs but this is changing and modern bar is beating academia in building a more gender-balanced environment. Very often investigators work in teams of two involving both genders. Focused research groups are also common, and research training groups are a dominant mode to get people up to speed. Clearly, the modern bar takes the best practices from academia and funding agencies and tries to leave the junk behind. Administration is reduced to a minimum. Indeed,  your bartender is your teacher, mentor, administrator, and a person that can police the environment if the need arises. And yes, they can be as nerdy as you are.

If mixology is science and the bar is where it is done, then they set an example of a stimulating intellectual environment that really works. USBMs are voting with their feet by offering their scientific talents there.

Nevertheless, as with every new idea, the scientific yield so far is not great and the work is still somewhat narrow. Hanging out in a bar is often viewed as more of a hobby, and frankly some of it lacks rigor and discipline. Like  modern statistics, there is strong emphasis on  data analysis over theory development, and occasionally there is a "big data" problem - this is when investigators collect more data in a short amount of time than they can handle. There is apparent fragility and the bar, as a new research frontier and incubator of scientific talent, needs more nurturing and care.

Scottish Cafe Project

As always, our organization is on top of things, and we are ready to follow the talent where it may lead. A new program called "Excursions in Education" intends to explore non-academic environments rich in scientific talent, and these newly discovered pockets of excellence are ripe for a more thorough study. Yet, the puritan roots of our organization make the exploration difficult, as our relationship with alcohol is highly regulated. Just when the solution to scientific workforce issues seem to be in sight, this is one excursion in education that we are forbidden to take! Eventually, the Office of Inspector General came up with a drink escrow scheme that allows one to store drinks in a bucket to be consumed when off-duty, but this solution was widely viewed as impractical. Malaise and depression followed: many units of our organization are already shrouded in misery caused by lack of leadership and the erosion of their guiding principles.

But then a miracle happened - the mathematics unit, hardest hit by  dwindling resources and condemned to irrelevance by the upper management, started  Scottish Cafe Project, an informal initiative named after the bar where a sizeable chunk of modern mathematics was born seventy years ago. One by one, mathematicians offered their vacation time, sick leave and free time to hang around in bars for as long as it is needed. After fulfilling their daily obligations in record time they would serve on the "bar beat" and retreat there to keep tabs on the members of the scientific workforce frequenting these establishments. USBMs were initially the primary focus, but in short time the program became  all-inclusive. This valiant service and willingness to sacrifice were exemplary and boosted morale tremendously. Many felt that they were interacting with "the greatest minds of our generation", "having the best time of their life", or simply "finally doing something important and relevant." These are exact quotes from the employee satisfaction survey conducted soon after Scottish Cafe Project began.

Colleagues were challenging each other to do more "bar time," some got into a habit of taking the lunch break in their favorite watering hole, and most gave countless hours to this service. In the end, the Scottish Cafe Project turned out to be the glue that kept our unit together in these trying times, building the synergy necessary to carry on. Suddenly hanging out with mathematicians became cool and fashionable and the Scottish Cafe initiative became a model that others are aching to imitate.
Things are looking up....