I have always loved science and probably I always will. So it is not surprising that about ten years ago I decided to take my relationship with science to the new level. Alas, romantic affair and marriage are two different things and in my new role there are frustrations that I did not anticipate. Here are the topics that I would like to discuss during counseling.
1. She works hard but brings home no money.
She works like a horse indeed but there is no income that I can see. I am not happy that when I buy a new car I pay at least a $100 to a dealer with a gold ring, and another $200 to a guy who owns a private jet, but not even a penny to the community that came up with the ideas how to build the darn thing. Or take a hedge fund manager - his personal profit can be comparable to what entire world spends on supporting mathematical sciences. Yet people who developed his toolbox are not shareholders of this wealth.
2. She gives way too much for charity.
If not bringing money home is bad enough, giving everything away is even worse. Take any manufactured item: cd player, car, cell phone. If you take away the skin -metal, plastic, wires and human labor to manufacture it - all that is left inside are scientific ideas of the last 100 years. These gadgets drive economies of entire countries yet science that is inside comes for free. It is the tide that raises all boats. This is great but only for a species endowed with some sense of gratitude.
3. She used to be the prettiest.
One can marry religion, politics, financial industry or simply a big bag of money, and I see that everybody is after these ugly bitches these days. Am I the only one who thinks that science is the fairest of all?
4. Is she too sexy?
I love the fact that my computer costs the same as 30 years ago and it is a million times better. But it has created a revolution that swept me away and changed my life. I threw away my records, will soon follow with cd's and dvd's and I have already tossed away countless cell phones. This is a bit frustrating even if every new product brings new exciting features. Compare to less sexy science and for example look at an ordinary AA battery. My grandma would know how to use it, it is exactly the same in every country on the planet and the main accomplishment of these years is that it does not leak anymore. And yes, it is probably ten times better than 50 years ago. This is science that everybody can rely on - steady and incremental progress on an useful and familiar product.
5. Universal language.
She tells me with pride that scientific ideas are the only abstract form of human thought that can be communicated between any two people. Indeed, as long as math is concerned the entire thought process of one person can be simply encoded and subsequently recreated in a head of another person. This is a bit of a miracle, and the process is so reliable that most people accept the results by proxies. Yet, _any_ two people can participate in this - gimme a break! Twenty-five years of university brainwashing is required to prepare one's mind to receive these missives. You can probably do anything with human brain in such time-frame!
6. She is not there when you need her.
In spite of all the hard work she is missing in action more often than before. We need to know if factoring numbers is hard, and if not then come up with better crypto algorithms. The security of large chunk of economy depends on it and the time is pressing. I bring it up all the time but she says that it is a matter of the right number of people thinking about it - one of them is bound to get it. Easy to say, but where do we find these people when our society is on the verge of giving up on research and education.
7. She makes wrong people rich.
She is very proud that scientific ideas drive modern world and are largely responsible for the supply of goods, energy, food, etc. Yet, the accumulation of wealth has to do with the demand not supply side. Since the "scientific DNA" of any two cameras, cars, planes, etc are virtually the same, people who make fortunes on these things are the ones who predict accurately what will sell better. A guy who can anticipate the most popular car color in five years is probably more valuable then a person who invented four-stroke engine!
8. She can be scary.
Love is blind, but sometime I have a feeling that my babe is a bit spooky. I bet that if you dissect a corn kernel, eventually you will find the word Monsanto etched somewhere in its DNA. She often gives what you ask for and she is usually standing by if you get in trouble because of it. Just watch for this nuclear power plant behind your house or a bunch of dudes fracking for natural gas around your summer house.
9. We have lost many friends over the years.
She used to be very popular with children, teenagers, and grown-ups.
Jules Verne and Star Trek were painting such a bright vision of a world driven by rationality that everybody was in love with science. Everybody thought of her as a solution to their problems. But today it is different - problems of people lie with other people, not with the surrounding reality.
10. Is she faithful?
Lately she hangs out a lot with Computational Science and Data Science and this smacks of conspiracy. These newly found buddies are quite different. They are hip and immensely successful yet their discoveries - and there are many - cannot be followed by a human mind. This is because they are dependent on searching through the mountains of data or performing computations at a blazing speed. Either way, a machine is an integral part of the process. Sit and watch kind of stuff, but the pictures and animations are spectacular.
1. She works hard but brings home no money.
She works like a horse indeed but there is no income that I can see. I am not happy that when I buy a new car I pay at least a $100 to a dealer with a gold ring, and another $200 to a guy who owns a private jet, but not even a penny to the community that came up with the ideas how to build the darn thing. Or take a hedge fund manager - his personal profit can be comparable to what entire world spends on supporting mathematical sciences. Yet people who developed his toolbox are not shareholders of this wealth.
2. She gives way too much for charity.
If not bringing money home is bad enough, giving everything away is even worse. Take any manufactured item: cd player, car, cell phone. If you take away the skin -metal, plastic, wires and human labor to manufacture it - all that is left inside are scientific ideas of the last 100 years. These gadgets drive economies of entire countries yet science that is inside comes for free. It is the tide that raises all boats. This is great but only for a species endowed with some sense of gratitude.
3. She used to be the prettiest.
One can marry religion, politics, financial industry or simply a big bag of money, and I see that everybody is after these ugly bitches these days. Am I the only one who thinks that science is the fairest of all?
4. Is she too sexy?
I love the fact that my computer costs the same as 30 years ago and it is a million times better. But it has created a revolution that swept me away and changed my life. I threw away my records, will soon follow with cd's and dvd's and I have already tossed away countless cell phones. This is a bit frustrating even if every new product brings new exciting features. Compare to less sexy science and for example look at an ordinary AA battery. My grandma would know how to use it, it is exactly the same in every country on the planet and the main accomplishment of these years is that it does not leak anymore. And yes, it is probably ten times better than 50 years ago. This is science that everybody can rely on - steady and incremental progress on an useful and familiar product.
5. Universal language.
She tells me with pride that scientific ideas are the only abstract form of human thought that can be communicated between any two people. Indeed, as long as math is concerned the entire thought process of one person can be simply encoded and subsequently recreated in a head of another person. This is a bit of a miracle, and the process is so reliable that most people accept the results by proxies. Yet, _any_ two people can participate in this - gimme a break! Twenty-five years of university brainwashing is required to prepare one's mind to receive these missives. You can probably do anything with human brain in such time-frame!
6. She is not there when you need her.
In spite of all the hard work she is missing in action more often than before. We need to know if factoring numbers is hard, and if not then come up with better crypto algorithms. The security of large chunk of economy depends on it and the time is pressing. I bring it up all the time but she says that it is a matter of the right number of people thinking about it - one of them is bound to get it. Easy to say, but where do we find these people when our society is on the verge of giving up on research and education.
7. She makes wrong people rich.
She is very proud that scientific ideas drive modern world and are largely responsible for the supply of goods, energy, food, etc. Yet, the accumulation of wealth has to do with the demand not supply side. Since the "scientific DNA" of any two cameras, cars, planes, etc are virtually the same, people who make fortunes on these things are the ones who predict accurately what will sell better. A guy who can anticipate the most popular car color in five years is probably more valuable then a person who invented four-stroke engine!
8. She can be scary.
Love is blind, but sometime I have a feeling that my babe is a bit spooky. I bet that if you dissect a corn kernel, eventually you will find the word Monsanto etched somewhere in its DNA. She often gives what you ask for and she is usually standing by if you get in trouble because of it. Just watch for this nuclear power plant behind your house or a bunch of dudes fracking for natural gas around your summer house.
9. We have lost many friends over the years.
She used to be very popular with children, teenagers, and grown-ups.
Jules Verne and Star Trek were painting such a bright vision of a world driven by rationality that everybody was in love with science. Everybody thought of her as a solution to their problems. But today it is different - problems of people lie with other people, not with the surrounding reality.
10. Is she faithful?
Lately she hangs out a lot with Computational Science and Data Science and this smacks of conspiracy. These newly found buddies are quite different. They are hip and immensely successful yet their discoveries - and there are many - cannot be followed by a human mind. This is because they are dependent on searching through the mountains of data or performing computations at a blazing speed. Either way, a machine is an integral part of the process. Sit and watch kind of stuff, but the pictures and animations are spectacular.
