Fear of Flying

Season 4 of Game of Thrones has just ended. While we are awaiting for season 5 to begin months ahead, bootleg versions of the new episodes started to appear (see here ). Since original characters in the Game of Thrones are dropping like flies, this one introduces a whole slew of new ones.

Meeting in "Chicken and Frog"

Lady Abiraf is the eminence gris of the military complex of Seven Kingdoms.  She enters the pub for a secret meeting with Sir Werdna and Sir Sirhc, two senior Program Knights. They order pigs intestines with shots of cow's plasma, delicacies of Seven Kingdoms and the stuff that makes you come alive. "You've got to step up your game," begins Lady Abiraf referring to recent pursuits of Science for the Realm.  “Easier said than done,” answers Sir Sirhc obliquely. “There is so much to do,” he continues trying to  change the subject and looks to Sir Werdna for help. "The most fundamental scientific issue of Seven Kingdoms is a theory of flight. We have reports of three dragons of significant military utility, we use ravens for communications, and reportedly there are some rumors of the human flight,” Sir Werdna rushes in with his pitch. Lady Abiraf perks up, flight is her secret passion as she has little patience for sweaty muscle-man whacking each other with swords. “Thank God it is not number theory” she jokes. They talk for another hour chewing on the intestines and letting the plasma do its magic. “Perhaps we have to have a science agency of our own. Something devoted completely devoted to flying,” Lady Abiraf murmurs to herself.

Arya’s epiphany

After surviving for months in wilderness and killing several grownups Arya finds shelter in an abandoned cottage - not bad for a 12 year old! The villa is filled with manuscripts and soon enough Arya spends all her time on her studies. She is a voracious reader - math, physics, astronomy whatever she finds. She even reads “1010 Vision for the Science for the Realm,” and “Mathematical challenges for sustainability at the end of the first millennium.”
Within short time she develops a suspicion that her destiny is in the intellectual exploits rather than slaying people whose behavior she finds offensive. All her life she felt as if she lived in a universe conceived by an older guy  with a beer belly and finally science offers an escape. Even if her part of the world is strange, poorly crafted and inconsequential, science developed in it need not be. The reality consists of myriads of separate entities, most of them pretty dismal, and ideas seem to be the only thing that may represent a common layer.  "Particularly mathematics," she concludes following her no longer unbiased view and for the first time since the untimely deaths of the most of her family, a trace of smile appears on her face.

Site visit

The Wall is a colossal fortification which stretches for 300 miles along the northern border of the Seven Kingdoms, defending the realm from the wildlings who live beyond.  It is made of solid ice.

It is early morning and Sir Mij, the rotating Program Knight of the Science of the Realm is pacing at the base of the Wall. It is peaceful and bitterly cold. He walks towards the guard standing nearby.
“How are things?” he begins. “Oh, splendid Sir” answers the guard “Except for the channel digging,” he adds after a pause. “Channel digging?” inquires Sir Mij. “Yeah, ever since the Wall started to melt five years ago we dig channels to take the water away so everything looks neat and tidy. Nasty work really.” “The Wall is melting??” asks Sir Mij incredulously. “Oh yeah, it goes really fast” says the the guard with a peculiar sense of pride and points out at his knee-high galoshes. “Why is it melting?” asks Sir Mij getting really agitated. “I dunno,” says the guard, “It is made of ice so it melts I guess.”  Sir Mij is devastated “It has been here for 8000 years” he mumbles “what is going on?"

Transmutation woes

All-swords meeting at the Headquarters of Science for the Realm. Cersei paces back and forth in front of Program Knights. “I admit that we may have missed the boat on Black Powder” she says with visible irritation, “however, it is being developed in Cathay and it will be a while before  it becomes a problem for us.” “For now,” she continues “the main quest is transmutation.”  Program Knights shuffle nervously. As the Science for the Realm celebrates the second year, transmutation work became its only solicitation and in spite of great efforts there are no tangible results. “After the last round of PIs was impaled for the lack of progress, we do not have many new submissions” says Sir Ecurb trying to contain his short temper, “perhaps  we are being too harsh on the scientific workforce?” Cersei, whose staff consists mostly of lackeys, hates even a trace of disagreement. “Impaling is a correct response for failure,” she rules, “this is in line with procedures I developed for Sponsored Research Offices.”

An awkward pause ensues and Sir Mij fresh from his soujourn at the Wall picks this moment to bring the bad news - the Wall is melting. “Melting? Really?” sneers Cersei, “and what does it have to do with us?” Sir Mij is unfazed. “It would have helped to understand what does it mean to melt” he confronts Cersei “even if not much can be done about it." “I think we can answer this question with mathematics,” he adds hinting at a new solicitation. “Maaathematics??” Cersei is beyond herself, “these guys are one notch below dog catchers.”  This jostling continues for a while and nobody is happy. The seeds of discontent are firmly planted.

Missing dragon

Daenerys rides with Sir Sirhc to an urgent meeting with Lady Abiraf. Daenerys is despondent about her dragons. She locked two of them in the dungeon but the third one is missing.  “What kind of mother am I?” she asks indicating a peculiar interspecies bond. “I did not even name them!” she exclaims and starts sobbing uncontrollably. Her horse, a nasty and untrusting beast is spooked, and so is Sir Sirhc. He  is less direct than Jorah used to be but usually he sees many more moves ahead. “Maybe this meeting will help,” he ventures.

In short time they arrive at the military facility of some sort. Lady Abiraf greets them sitting on a camel and she waves for the show to begin. They are facing a large field littered with straw figures of knights, some holding black shields others white. “EMWF10!” yells one of the servants. There is a crushing noise and the third dragon emerges from the bushes.  His scales are bright green and he seems in top form. He flaps his wings excitedly seeing Daenerys and Lady Abiraf together.
“Crisping mode, white shields” screams the servant and the dragon takes off. Within minutes all knights holding white shields are burned to a crisp.
The dragon lands next to Daenerys and makes gurgling sounds while servants roll a barrel of broccoli mixed with kale. “He is fully vegetarian now” explains Lady Abiraf watching the dragon snacking.
Waves of pride and misery roll over Daenerys as she realizes that being a mother of dragons is a great deal more than she thought. “What does EMWF10 stand for?” “Emerging Military Workforce for 10th century, we had to name him somehow” answers Lady Abiraf. “Ooooh” moans Daenerys, jumps off her horse and runs to the nearest restroom to hide her misery.
“It is tough on her” says Sir Sirhc but Lady Abiraf’s thoughts are already elsewhere. “Do you think she would rent us the other two?” she probes “imagine them flying in formation…”

Friendly competition

Lady Abiraf funding agency gets off to a good start and it is a roaring success. Gone are two months of winter support. “All you can eat year round for three years” is the solicitation’s mouth watering promise. As if this is not enough they pledge that "No good idea is turned away” suddenly forgetting about their preoccupation with flying. In comparison Science for the Realm looks bureaucratic and narrow minded and the newcomers are exploiting this with ease.  Principal investigators from Science for the Realm are flocking to Lady Abiraf and healthy competition for the best ideas puts science and innovation forward. “All you can eat” funding mechanism is very advanced although soon enough some of the Lady Abiraf PIs are easily recognizable through their appearance and attitude.

Science and Tea

A delegation from Nippon comes for a visit and brings tea to the Seven Kingdoms. The ceremony is strange and exotic but it contains a potentially transformative idea. Tea drinking offers a pleasant alternative to scientific work and is more tailored to the upper class citizenry. Cersei seizes an opportunity to make a permanent mark on the society that science would never do. “Science is the best thing in the world, but perhaps not in this world,” she says somewhat cryptically and graciously agrees to leave the limping Science for the Realm in less able hands of her deputy, a nice and harmless fellow who remained completely invisible until now.

Cersei new task is to develop tea drinking habits for Seven Kingdoms.  It is a life changing goal and a tour de force of social engineering. She initiates procedures and rituals that shave off two afternoon hours a day from any class conscious citizen and provide a nice transition into nocturnal activities. Tea drinking, when taken seriously, is a clockwork operation where every detail matters and Cersei is just the person to make sure that it does. Burning on a stake, dismembering, and impaling await those who cannot accomplish excellence and become poor role models. In the end however, the leisure class is born and five o’clock tea time becomes an established custom in Seven Kingdoms for millennia to come.

Restorative Science

The 2016 US presidential election was a difficult business. Deep political divisions made a commitment to any particular issue a potential liability and consequently criticizing the past was an easiest choice for all candidates. Fraudulent and wasteful government spending was a safe drum to beat and it is no wonder that within days after the election the newly minted president created a committee, nicknamed Fraud Squad, that was charged with the task of digging up the truth behind the enormous financial footprint of the US government.

Science

The US academic community was clamoring about paucity of research funding and raising hell about inadequate support for discovery and innovation. Indeed, the expenditures represented a tiny blip in the entire budget. The Fraud Squad decided to take a look nonetheless. However, rather than to study the incremental data, the analysis was carried from the first principles.
For weeks Fraud Squad was inundated by torrent of data about publications, discoveries, institutes and other byproducts of academic pursuits. The data was vast and confusing and  committee members were scratching their heads trying to make sense of it.
In the end the conclusion stunned everybody - science is a pyramid scheme fabricated four centuries ago by a relatively small community who fancies the life of leisure. In a hindsight the truth was in plain view. Every scientific work is validated by other scientists, and for most part it is incomprehensible to the outsiders. The community manages itself regarding jobs, promotions, and governance and does not allow outsiders to meddle. There is constant demand for societal contribution fueled by enormous hutzpah of empty promises.   Most scientific discoveries are irrelevant while others create a horrendous burden, and  scientific community demands more and more resources to deal with the fallout. All of it was evidenced by a long parade of distinguished scientists admitting to not publishing enough, publishing too much, pursuing trite and irrelevant topics and generally having fun satisfying their curiosity at the society’s expense.

The reason why it took so much time to discover this fraud is that it is the only known case when such large community colluded to enrich themselves without creating obvious signs of abuse. However, for this scheme to work the scientists needed to peddle their incomprehensible  wares to the entire society and exact the contribution. And in the end this scientific proselytization brought the entire pyramid down.

Progress

Work of the Fraud Squad attracted a lot of attention and soon enough intellectuals started asking questions. After all, scientific advances are linked to societal progress and last several hundred years represent a giant leap forward. Isn’t it a contradiction with science being a pyramid scheme? Clearly there is a great deal of genuine scientific discoveries that are being made all the time.

At this point Fraud Squad was standing on rock solid conviction that their work is valid and it welcomed a new challenge. Yeah, progress through science - is there really such a thing? In  short few weeks the Fraud Squad discovered  the truth. In a nutshell, every human idea has its primary consequences, secondary consequences and so forth with no obvious bound. The primary consequences are easy to see and most prominent but the rest is rather opaque. As long as the spread of ideas is tightly contained everything works fine. But with unchecked proliferation, the secondary and tertiary consequences are multiplied million-fold by repeated applications and little understood phenomena emerge. Global warming, depletion of ozone layer, traffic congestion, pollution, nuclear contamination are just a few of the myriads of results of scientific discoveries applied on such unprecedented scale that their secondary consequences led  to the creation of a whole slew of new problems.
Working toilet, running water, electricity, internet, kitchen stove and a car in the garage - these signs of progress were never meant to be available to everybody. They represent a parasitic spread of scientific know-how propagated by the community that should have been watched more carefully.
"From one-percent to one-percent” was a slogan coined by the Fraud Squad to describe the  necessity of the containment of scientific output.

End of the Age of Enlightenment

After sounding death knell on science and progress, the concept of rational thought, the bulwark of Western Civilization came into plain view. Red-hot Fraud Squad was unstoppable at this point. In their own words “rational thought and scientific knowledge is a paper thin veneer of illusion laid on a solid core of chaos and randomness.”
"I know that I know nothing,” these words of Socrates challenged the generations of scientists who tried to prove them wrong. In the end of their findings the Fraud Squad confirmed Socrates’ primordial intuition and marked the end of science.

Indeed, the ability to abstract the universe in form of communicable ideas is uniquely human ability, and an evolutionary dead end as it seems. Nature does not need any thought at all, and even within human communities rational thought does not give an edge when confronted with irrational thought, a more prevalent modus operandi. With this conclusion the Fraud Squad closed the books on 400 years of Enlightenment and signaled the dawn of a new era of more modular society.

Reprieve

Hordes of marauding scientists were waiting for the executive orders that would complete the extinction of their disciplines. With the exception of mathematicians who were defunded years earlier and stopped paying much attention to political fads there was a lot of chest beating. Chemists took the blame for styrofoam cups, engineers for the coal-fired power plants and computer scientists finally admitted that if something has “science" in its name then it probably is not a science at all. The old custom of auto-da-fe came back and various scientific societies were marching on weekends self-flagellating and denouncing their leaders. In the end all this contrition paid back and the rescue came from an unlikely source.
In restorative yoga, props are used for support allowing you to open your body through passive stretching. The new Restorative Science aims at fixing the damage of old science and uses politicians, celebrities and practically anybody who is willing as props to keep the scientists from running ahead and loosing focus. The constraints of Restorative Science are significant and the emphasis is on broadening the horizons in a relaxed setting, something that was sorely missing in the academic environment.
Surprisingly, it turned out that unlike bankers and lawyers, the scientists are well liked and since they cost as much as what the country spends on potato chips nobody really minds if they do their nerdy stuff as long as they do not break anything. Unlike old science that not that many people cared about, Restorative Science is quite popular and “nerding out” became a fashion statement for people with more serious ambitions in life.  

Science for the Realm

Creators of the Game of Thrones, now in the middle of the fourth season, go through a lot of possibilities when charting the story. So it comes as no surprise that there are many outtakes that were deemed to be specialty items. Below is one of them.

Opening scene

Tywin Llanister and his children Tyrion, Cersei and Jaime hang out at Casterly Rock. They sit around the fire pit and make s'mores. There is tension building up and the reason becomes clear when Tywin announces to his children that their legendary fortune has gone missing. “We are living off the credit cards,” he says, “bankers have it all,” he adds menacingly. “There is no positive revenue stream, these goddamn wars are ruining us.”

A look through the window says it all:  dilapidated infrastructure, houses made out of sticks, roads full of potholes, and miserable citizens. “Soon there will be nobody worth taxing here, it is time for a change,” he booms. He glares at his children and gets even more agitated “this is a failed kingdom” he says, "I am running out of ideas.”  Tyrion looks up and says with bitterness “Father, why is it that  it is only us that have to look for an answer to every damn question? Can we get more out of our citizens?”
“We can lop off  their heads, but there is nothing in them,” answers irritated Tywin and walks out of the room.

In the brothel of Petyr Baelish (aka Littlefinger)

This is a place where saying "screw anything that moves" gets a completely new meaning. A distinguished gentelman moves through the establishment as naked men and women mill around, animal noises come from behind the doors and rich visuals give a sense that one is in a fantasy land of a total sexual fulfillment. One would  love to linger there for a handful of gratuitous sex scenes before we move on with the story.
Eventually, we follow the gentelman outside where he, by a  total coincidence, sits next to equally exhausted Tyrion. "Vannevar, senior advisor, " he introduces himself to Tyrion, the most recognizable nobility in the Seven Kingdoms.
For a while they sit in silence watching a little peasant girl across the street playing with Rubik's cube and trying to get a grip on the generators of a particular subgroup of  the permutation group.
"My father thinks that Seven Kingdoms is populated by dummies and dimwits," says Tyrion to nobody in particular.
"Nonsense," answers Vannevar.  "The whole world runs on ideas and they come from all sort of places,” and he points at the girl who in spite of her considerable mathematical powers has no shoes.

The Council

A large conference room in King's Landing. All Lannisters are present, Tyrion introduces Vannevar who gets up in front and begins his pitch.
"Battle of Blackwater was the greatest battle in history and there are two main factors behind our victory," he pauses briefly, "the bravery of Lord Tywin," he bows in the direction of Tywin who sits stone-faced and does not react to crude flattery, "and the Green Fire, a scientific discovery of profound military impact." Tyrion scowls as he sees his contribution being ignored again. Alas, the stakes are high and he encourages Vannevar with a smile.
"Unfortunately, today the Realm looks more like a fantasy land than a serious country," continues Vannevar stepping onto a treacherous path, "economy is stalled,  education is non-existent and discovery rate falls behind the most pressing needs." "We need to shore up the Realm and we identified science and innovation as a source of considerable growth and wealth.” He takes a deep breath and plunges forward, "I propose that we create Science for the Realm foundation that will capture the best ideas of our citizens.”
He goes on for another five minutes spelling out some details: funding for the best  proposals with up to two months of winter support, a season traditionally punctuated by a high attrition rate,  and few other enablers for deep thinking. A network of sponsored research offices across the lands will give something to do for our otherwise unemployable citizens and it will facilitate the submissions.

"Winter support before they have done anything useful?"  Cersei interrupts, "it does not make any sense!" Vannevar is ready for it, "Yes, it looks peculiar but the idea is one of encouragement. Many will not deliver and we can later strengthen the Night's Watch with them.”

"What kind of discovery are you talking about?" asks Tywin curiously. Sir Vannevar gets clearly excited by these encouraging responses  and decides to lower his guard by removing his helmet and main battle weapons strapped to his body. Now his voice projects far better, "that is the beauty of it!" he exclaims,  "we do not know what is not discovered yet!" and now that he is 80 pounds lighter, he jumps three feet up in the air from an uncontrollable joy of putting the Realm on the path of scientific discovery.

Science for the Realm foundation

Some months later the Science for the Realm  gets off the ground and Cersei gets the reins. Her love for morning stand-up meetings, adherence to procedure and expectation for kowtowing are legendary. “We will issue some solicitations” begins Vannevar excitedly. “There will be no whoring in my foundation,” Cersei cuts in, unwilling to listen. “No whoring, my queen,” explains Vannevar, “solicitation is a technical term. It helps people to understand what they are really interested in.” “Excellent,” concludes Cersei, “in this case I do not want unsolicited proposals.”  Vannevar face clouds as it dawns on him that advising trigger-happy Cersei is not going to be easy.

Transmutation and Hazard Seas

Cersei, Vannavar and the rest of the Llanisters are in a small dungeon planning the first round of solicitations. Cersei, whose real passion is chemistry,  is adamant that “Transmutation is high-risk, high-payoff work.” After a brief pause she adds ominously “Risk is really someone else’s worry."  Nobody dares to say anything contradictory particularly since turning junk into gold is indeed a pressing need. “Let’s hope something good comes in,” says Vannevar who would have preferred a more open-ended call.  Transmutation is a scientific rubbish of the highest order, but it is the main recruitment tool for chemists.
Tywin throws in Hazard Seas, a honey-pot of empty slogans rooted in the fact that Seven Kingdoms are surrounded by water which is often treacherous. Vannevar sees a lot of winter support going towards scam-artists with dubious credentials, but “As you wish, my Lord” is all he dares to say. Tyrion as usual is brooding in the corner. He is a mathematician at heart and he finds the current environment rather hostile.

The first panel

takes place in a big room in King's Landing.  Ten burly knights sit around the table at distances that ensure some personal safety. The Program Knight sits at the head of the table, and little clay tablets with names of applicants end up on "Fund" and "Do not fund" piles. He tries valiantly to control the room. "Remember conflict of interest rules; you do not review ideas from people that slayed your family members" he yells above the crowd "even in a fair fight" he adds as an afterthought.  Other Program Knights visit the panel frequently to get a sense where things are going. The reviewers are fully armed and armored just in case an insurmountable difference of opinions occurs. Most have full-face helmets as well and an odd echo makes them hard to understand. "This is worse than combat" complains one of the knight-reviewers, "in the battle at least you kill your enemies." "Don't you worry, you are making a killing" cheers him up the Program Knight "we do not expect the success rate to top 15%."

Black Powder

The panel is going well until they arrive at the proposal that calls for a mixture of one part of sulfur, one part of charcoal and five parts of saltpeter and describes tubes of various diameter that use this concoction to send projectiles at great distances.
The Program Knight gets so excited that he starts frothing at the mouth, "Distance fighting? This is potentially transformative! We can win all wars with it!" Knight-reviewers cluster together like guppies in a shark tank. "We have considerable investment in the military workforce, many years of specialized training. This looks like a short lived novelty," they declare collectively.
At this point Cersei comes in to greet the panel. The Program Knight approaches excitedly, "My queen, we have a great idea on our hands," he declares. Cersei glances at him and mutters "No recent head trauma, I hope." She briefly scans  the proposal's parchments. "That is the problem with rotating Program Knights," she says in a manner of explanation. "The chemistry here is quite elementary and this proposal is not responsive to the solicitation!  This clearly isn't transmutation work."  She makes up her mind quickly, "Send it back without review," is the final verdict as she leaves the room.


Reconsideration

In the courtyard of Casterly Rock a herald announces the results of the first funding competition. Some are overjoyed with winter support which includes a large sack of grains, others take the declination in silence, and a small group demands a reconsideration.
Citizen Harley Brown is particularly bitter. "My transmutation project on changing hog's testicles into diamonds and cow's manure into gold dust did not get a fair hearing." He shuffles around and raises hell. "I have heard that when it was discussed two knight-reviewers passed out of heat exhaustion and the Program Knight's comments is a template declination!" he roars.
Cersei looks around and rules "Reconsideration granted. Don your armor, the trial begins in a hour”.
Harley’s Brown eyes bulge out as he blabbers "armor? trial? what is going on?"
"You will confront your Program Knight with a weapon of your choice in a fight that will terminate with the first lost limb," explains the herald. "If you are in one piece at the end, you will receive your winter support" he adds helpfully.
Harley freezes in terror watching his Program Knight strapping a giant battle ax and checking the edge on a large sword emblazoned with words “PI Slayer.” “I just wanted an additional review,” he tries to explain but it is too late as reconsideration is about to begin.

Harley steps out into the field in an ill-fitting rental armor with a rusty sword in one hand and a shield resembling a garbage can cover in the other.  The Program Knight easily saunters in  sporting the latest weaponry available. The public watches it with amusement and is making bets which limb Harley is going to lose. “Who would have thought that science is so much fun,” one of the gawkers comments.
“I will get your left hand,” whispers the Program Knight “it is a matter of institutional pride at this point.” The tears well-up in Harley's eyes and the duel begins.
With the lightning speed the Program Knight rolls onto the ground tripping poor Harley, springs up again and raises his ax to cut off Harley's right leg.  Seconds  later he kneels next to him and pulls the tourniquet from a compartment in his armor to stop the bleeding. “Good effort,” he tells Harley to make him feel better. “You can stuff it up for a souvenir,” he says placing the detached leg on Harley’s chest.

In the sponsored research office

Cersei walks around a long windowless corridor with a group of distinguished visitors representing business investors.
"This is one of our sponsored research offices, " she says with some pride. "Our relationship with researchers is what is called tough love," she adds pointing at the blood-stained floor and a row of empty coffins along the wall.
They pass by a small room where a screaming individual is being fitted for the Iron Maiden. "What is going on?" one of the visitors inquires. "Overdue annual report," answers Cersei who  has  interest in every aspect of the operation.  "Isn't Iron Maiden a one-way trip?" someone whispers with morbid curiosity. "We are not doing it for his benefit," explains Cersei, "it helps the rest of the lot to focus better.”

In spite of some unpleasantries, the reports from the field are promising. There is tremendous interest in  scientific discovery in Seven Kingdoms and Llanisters' enemies are taking note too.

Stannis Baratheon bedroom, early evening

"You look tired my Lord, can I help you to relax?" croons Melisandre  lounging on a large bed covered with animal furs (heads and tails included). "Yeah, I am restless, I guess I will go to the garden to shoot some chipmunks," replies Stannis absent-mindedly. "I have something better in mind," she says as she  slithers closer letting  her red cape fall behind.  Not surprisingly she does not wear anything else. "Your codpiece is so large these days," she purrs excitedly. Stannis,  clearly still thinking about obliterating  chipmunks, has problems catching up with action.
Melisandre starts removing his chainmail and codpiece. Stannis is immediately interested but  there is fear in his eyes. In a flash his pants are off and suddenly a large object falls from his crotch area. "I do not know what it is" is a pretty stupid response to an unspoken question. Melisandre picks it up with curiosity. "Grant proposal guide?!" she exclaims angrily. "So my magic is not good enough for you?" she hisses, "you think that this science rubbish is going to give you the power over the Realm?!" she yells. Stannis looks down totally humiliated. He puts on his pants, grabs his crossbow and soon a fusillade of shots and squeals of chipmunks are heard from outside.

Dragon flight

Daenerys gently whispers to her dragons when Jorah comes along. “What’s wrong with him?” he points at the dragon that is a bit discolored and wheezing.  Daenerys hugs the dragon and speaks in baby-voice “You’ve been a bad, bad dragon, haven’t you? You ate a bad bubu this morning.” She mocks the dragon who belches loudly and tries to control some digestive problems. “He ate a peasant again” she explains to Jorah, “it is such a headache.” Meantime the other dragon tries to surreptitiously swallow something that looks very much like a human arm. “You really have to pay more attention to the PR, my queen,” Jorah utters resignedly. “I am Khaleesi, the Mother of Dragons, for fuck’s sake” replies Daenerys.

They walk along the cliff with dragons shlepping  behind, too lazy to fly.  “Do we have to jump on this science bandwagon?” she asks “or  three dragons are enough of an edge?” Jorah, who is always skeptical of the military use of dragons, glances back. “A few proposals on dragon flight theory would not hurt. They barely get off the ground these days.” Thirty feet long stream of burning napalm shoots inches away from him and the dragon responsible for it gives him a stink eye. “I may be wrong," concedes  Jorah.

First year anniversary

On the first anniversary of the Science for the Realm  there is a big ceremony in King’s Landing. All principal investigators arrive together with their families, foreign dignitaries and nobility. Festivities last for days, and a few fatalities result from overindulgence.
After the first year research highlights are still pretty sparse. Many of transmutation projects are pretty outlandish, but so far there is no gold where there was none before. One a positive note,
one highlight of the Hazard Seas program turns viral and everybody is talking about it. It is a Barf Bag, a small burlap sack where sea-faring individuals can deposit their vomit without being a nuisance for the fellow passengers. Suddenly discovery and innovation  is on everybody’s mind and the fate of the Science for the Realm foundation is sealed.

Collateral benefit - a creationist perspective

Revelations from Edmund Slowdown concerning collateral benefit (reported here) took many by surprise. I started wondering if various scientific communities were aware  that collateral benefit, an explicit goal for many of them, was a great impediment to their well being. I contacted Edmund and lo and behold he came up with documents (summarized below)  that show that the mathematical community, perhaps one of the strongest generators of collateral benefit, was very much aware of the risks literally from Day One.

Brief history of mathematics

The universe as we know it was created about six thousand years ago and the need for mathematics was evident from the moment that first people showed up, that is 5774 years ago. Thus mathematics was made by the Troglodyte family: Troglodite the Wise, his wife the Wiser, and their daughter Gozka. It may come as a surprise that all of mathematical knowledge was conjured by just three people but this is one of the miracles of creation.
Numbers - natural, real, complex and quaternions, plus some that have not yet been revealed - were all thought up by Troglodyte the Wise. All of geometry was done by the Wiser, and Gozka unified the work of her parents and created the entirety of modern mathematics from Descartes onward. If you think that it is improbable, you are not alone. In fact, nearly 60  centuries later Kronecker, rather than give all due credit to the Troglodyte family, said that "God made natural numbers; all else is the work of man.” This is inaccurate, and for the record: a man made natural numbers; all else is the work of women.

The Troglodyte family had the good sense to realize that releasing all mathematics at once was not a good idea. Instead they created a secret society - Famiglia Mathematica as it was later called - that was endowed with all the knowledge and charged with releasing it for the benefit of humanity and support of their members.  And this is where the wrath of collateral benefit raised its ugly head. To meet both goals, the release of mathematics had to be done very, very slowly. Every time Familia Mathematica tried to quicken the pace there were dead bodies, mayhem, and operational loss. Pythagoras, Hypathia, Abel, and Galois are the best known examples of members of the Famiglia who tried to outpace the agreed upon schedule and suffered terribly.

It is not only Fortune 500 companies who found collateral benefit to be a threat to their business; Abraham and Moses would have agreed with them as well. Evidence of this attitude towards collateral benefit is all over the Old Testament.

The Bible contains excruciating minutia from the life of prophets and other one-percenters, but you will be hard pressed to find explicit references to the Troglodyte family and to the Famiglia Mathematica. The Bible only obliquely speaks of the creation of mathematics and the establishment of a society charged with the release of mathematical knowledge. Still, a solid confirmation can be found and it deserves a closer look.

There is much doubt whether Koheleth was indeed the king of Jerusalem, but it is clear that he was a member of the Famiglia. In the Book of Ecclesiastes he described the purpose of the Famiglia and chronicled his thoughts on their efforts.
On the creation of mathematics by the Troglodyte family he tweets "All things continue the way they have been since the beginning. What has happened will happen again; there is nothing new here on earth.”  Quite appropriately he ties mathematics with wisdom and explains the purpose of the Famiglia: "Wisdom is better when it comes with money. They both help those who are alive.”
He predicts that mathematicians will have tough times ahead when he tweets "All of their lives their work is full of pain and sorrow, and even at night their minds don't rest. This is also useless.”
He does not offer  ideas to cheer oneself up other than "Put on nice clothes and make yourself look good,” an advice often scorned by members of the Famiglia.

Overall, the Book of Ecclesiastes earned the reputation of being one of the most depressing parts of the Old Testament, and sadly the reasons might be mathematical. More than ten times Koheleth tweets complaining about “chasing the wind”. It is reasonable to assume that within the Famiglia his charge, perhaps assigned by error, had to do with fluid dynamics and turbulence. This would more than explain a cloud of depression hanging over his tweets.  Dealing with Navier-Stokes equations two millennia before the release of calculus? Ouch!

So what is known about the Famiglia Mathematica?  It is a secret society whose members recognize each other with great ease. There are no particular induction procedures, and most members know that they belong, while others are nurtured and encouraged early on. Since most of mathematics was created by two women, the Wiser and Gozka, society tries to encourage diversity and gender balance by directing their recruitment efforts predominantly to men. The operation - that is the release of knowledge - is unchanged since Troglodyte's times. The motto of the Famiglia Mathematica is Prohibe et obscure - hold back and obfuscate - and this says it all.

Some members of the Famiglia did a splendid job, the release was timely, the membership soared and the society welcomed the gifts with the share of the profits. These include Descartes, Newton, von Neumann, Wiles and even a bit hyperactive Euler.

Others became black sheep and gave the Famiglia a lot of grief. Ramanujan was the worst offender who did not bother to read the sources beyond the executive summary. It took close to a hundred years to reconstruct the original work of Troglodyte the Wise after this rascal destroyed the original scripts and replaced them with his notebooks.  Riemann is not much better, substandard exposition based on mediocre efforts resulting in diluted impact and tremendous amount of unnecessary work for others. Not to mention the snafu with the Riemann Hypothesis, a simple corollary that Gozka thought would nicely connect to various applications. Riemann got the sources by accident, glanced at them overnight, slapped together a paper to pass the exam that required a presentation on some obscure topic, and promptly forgot about the whole episode. The Famiglia is dealing with the fallout to this very day as sloppy Riemann hardly included any proofs, particularly of the Riemann Hypothesis,  and did not bother to pass the sources to someone with more gumption.

Over the centuries members of the Famiglia often quarreled about the timing of the knowledge release. The basic mantra was to follow the ebb and flow of the societal indifference towards mathematics. The Famiglia flourished in the 1600's but did not do well during the Dark Ages or at the beginning of XXI century. In time, many members were willing to accept subsistence level jobs that would give them a little time each day to release some mathematics which they claimed would make a lot of difference. Others were pointing to the consequences of holding back and keeping society in the dark. Indeed, the price of dividing by zero, a practice responsible for most human disasters, could have been in check if a better algebra package was available a few millennia earlier.  The wheel, the invention of the Wiser, who released it right away, was very helpful. But the ball bearing, a close mathematical cousin, had to wait 57 centuries to be released. For all this time the most common road accident was nicknamed “wheels coming off” and the very thought that a small royalty payment to the Famiglia could have prevented all these senseless deaths and injuries makes one’s heart bleed.

Famiglia Mathematica is mum on the subject of how much more mathematics is still left to be released. Off the record, many members indicate that there is “quite a bit” and it is “really good stuff." As Koheleth tweeted millennia ago "There is a time for everything, and everything on earth has its special season.” Well, there is consensus within the Famiglia  that time for mathematics is now, that we ought  to quicken the pace of release and that the Famiglia really has a chance to capitalize on the fact that no scientist was burned on a stake for quite some time. In fact, the fear of collateral benefit on the part of political and industrial leaders has put the humanity in a corner. Science, with mathematics in particular, might be the only way forward and out of this predicament as going back to the time of creation would be a considerable hardship. Ever pessimistic Koheleth tweets "Everything is boring, so boring that you don't even want to talk about it” but perhaps this one issue deserves a second thought.

Science of verk

This is a continuation of my uncle’s diary from here.

The tremendous success of verk and oververk is reverberating through the Ministry of Everything, so it came as a great surprise when the program was suddenly put on hold.  The culprit turned out to be a government-wide initiative know as:

Work-Life Balance

In a nutshell, WLB is a program which recognizes that an individual may do other things than work, and that this calls for some balance. WLB's main contributions are counseling sessions where comrades can discuss their troubles. Given that these opportunities were already available
to cavemen once  they learned how to build a fire and serve warm food, this is not much. Yet comrades are happy that WLB recognizes them as individuals, and for a rather naughty departure from orthodox marxism.

With verk and oververk quickly becoming a default way of getting things done, an update to WLB was needed and the labor union stepped in. Verk-Life Balance and Oververk-Life Balance had to be addressed in a serious and professional manner, even if most comrades were laughing
off any concern that there might be something unfair about these programs. The Ministry of Everything decided to employ cutting edge scientific methods in crafting these policies, and two committees were formed to deal with the issue. Here are the reports.

Logic model (executive summary)

At the outset we analyzed the concept of verk and understood it to be a mixture of work and other things. As the best approximation we assumed that these other things represent Life. Consequently, verk  is actually the embodiment of Work-Life Balance, and oververk embodies Verk-Life Balance. Over-oververk fullfils Oververk-Life Balance and so on through an infinite chain of labor practices and family-friendly policies. As long as the employee moves forward along this chain, he or she fulfills contractual obligations and is in compliance with the policies.

Quantum model (executive summary)

Work and Life, and potentially other things  are pure states in the quantum mechanical sense. On the other hand, Verk and Oververk are mixed states, and as such they  require a quantum version of Work-Life Balance. While Work-Life Balance is only an approximation of its quantum version, it is 5-sigma accurate  given the  mass of a typical employee. Furthermore, the amount of verk required to understand quantum version of WLB may be prohibitive, and purely conjecturally, actual work might be required as well.
Consequently, at the moment there is no need for a quantized version of WLB.

I can't say that these reports were well-received by the comrades, even though the recommendation was favorable.  The Logic Model was widely regarded as the work of an idiot, and the idea of using infinity to hide any semblance of common sense was viewed as deplorable. Some comrades were commenting that this is why we have a Botany Unit rather than a Logic Unit. The Party response was more muted and the memo included the phrase  “curse of dimensionality,” a term that scientists use when they are requested to build a spaceship using paper and scissors.

Quantum model also had its share of problems because committee members wanted to support the report with data. According to the theory, a mixed state, when observed, collapses to a pure state, and the committee got into a habit of watching verking comrades to document this phenomenon.  Somewhat surprisingly, as long as verkers were unaware, there was not much change. However, once they realized that they are being observed they would collapse into a state of prolonged verbal abuse. This marked the discovery of the third pure state that is neither Work nor Life, but in hindsight it was not worth the effort. “Quite different from electrons,“ commented a comrade serving on the committee and eating lunch alone in our canteen.

While these events were taking place, comrades were anxiously awaiting the chance to resume verk. The interruption, which was meant to help everybody, resulted in the possibility that, for the first time in a decade,  the Botany Unit might not make its performance quotas mandated by the Party.   It was the last moment to abandon dubious science and take matters into our hands. In the midst  of these proceedings the first signs of discontent started showing up. One day a big poster saying “We want verk!” greeted us by the entrance and soon the Ministry was embroiled in the controversy. Comrades started chanting “Verk and vine” at meetings,  and  greet each other by saying “Verkers of the world unite!” Older comrades felt like  they were back in times of revolution and class struggle. What a nonsense! Enough is enough!

Just before things got out of hand, the Party announced resumption of verk, and the doubling of the hourly quota.  This was greeted with thunderous applause and within minutes the Ministry’s building was nearly empty as everybody rushed to verk.

Continued here.

Collateral benefit

This is a transcript of a recent presentation at a secret Fortune 500 meeting (courtesy of Edmund Slowdown).

————————

There is a great deal of anxiety about the Heartbleed bug  (explained here) that, for the past two years, made 30% of the internet servers vulnerable.
A single line of code that is responsible for giving unwanted access to the server’s memory was introduced by a German Ph.D. student working on the program. It appears that it was a simple human error missed by all of the three unpaid volunteers that developed this particular software, and millions of users who opted out of examining the code. The introduction of the bug was also quietly applauded by our friends who make a living by snooping around (laughter). Nonetheless the rumor that these days the student drives a red-hot Ferrari with license plate THXNSA are largely exaggerated, it is only a used 1999 Kia with a license plate that says OOOPS.

(laughter followed by a thoughtful pause)

The public is asking how can it be that the internet security is entrusted to software that undergoes so little scrutiny? And why so many of us, Fortune 500 companies, use it anyway? And how come there are no resources to audit it and iron out the bugs?

Well, the allure of using somebody’s hard work for free is very strong and one should never look a gift horse in the mouth (a loud yiihaa is heard from Mr. Bezos).
But seriously, we will have to address these questions in due time but for now let's try to formulate our own perspective. This whole issue is connected to:

The law of unintended consequences

(the title flashes on the screen and the presentation begins in earnest) 

Regarding the most noticeable outcome, unintended consequences fall into two basic categories: collateral damage and collateral benefit.

Collateral damage is fairly well understood. In case of the Heartbleed it consists of non-functioning websites, weak security, stolen passwords and identities, and general misery of users affected by issues beyond their control. Over the years we prepared the society to accept collateral damage in case of wars, climate change and, as in this case, poorly written software. Consequently, today nobody looses sleep about it anymore and it is understood that often someone gets the raw deal.

(vigorous nodding in the audience)

So let us discuss the other topic because this is where we may be at odds with the remaining 99% of the society.

(room goes quiet and the lights go dim)

In a nutshell, collateral benefit is a silent assassin of economic growth, unpredictable and the least understood.

(words flash on the screen with "assassin" and "unpredictable" pulsating ominously) 

Collateral benefit occurs when our actions might be beneficial to society as a whole but not necessarily to us.

(the word "us" slowly balloons to mega-font size and eventually covers up the rest of the sentence, a pregnant pause follows)

Debugging software that everybody uses is certainly a good thing for most people but I do not see Mr. Ellison providing this service for Mr. Page ("It would be ok Larry" one can hear Mr. Page say, "screw you Larry" Mr. Ellison responds). In other words, how do I know that my competitor will not come up as a real winner as a result of it? Or worse, that this will not awaken some sleeping giant and my company will end up like Enron?

(heads are nervously turning around as a ghost of Ken Lay is seen floating in space)

Take research in financial mathematics; it may be beneficial for the society to understand better what is going on in financial markets. But is it better for Chase? Almost certainly not! I am more likely to be eaten by sharks than to become one.

(I am a shark! roars Mr. Dimon clearly offended by this example and the room quiets in anticipation of the storm of accusations)

The main source of collateral benefit is research and innovation, and the worst and most unpredictable kind is the basic science - aimless foraging of a curious mind.

Collateral benefit is a tidal wave that sinks too many boats!

(speaker's voice reaches crescendo at this point and the screen shows a cartoon depicting Einstein surfing a gigantic wave descending on the tiny fishing vessels with logos of Google, Amazon, Oracle and so forth)

We need to fight the plague of collateral benefit and protect ourselves against it! We need to end playing Russian roulette with the economy and stop aiding foreign competitors!

(the speaker's voice raises and he hammers each sentence like a nail into the coffin of basic science) 

We propose to use our collective might to clamp down on science and develop initiatives that will channel it in the direction of a safe and pointless inquiry!

(the slide shows the webpage of a leading funding agency littered with incomprehensible acronyms and solicitations)

We have been preparing to mothball the educational system for decades, and our nearly bankrupt university system will soon collapse under the weight of its own administration!

(on the screen one sees a gravestone saying “RIP Harvard: born: 1636, dead: not soon enough")

Our people are fully deployed and we are poised to finally put the economy on a sure footing of predictable and incremental progress!

(thunderous and long applause after which guests retreat for the banquet)

Ministry of Everything - news from the deciders

This is a continuation of my uncle's diary from here.

Just a few days ago we had a big meeting involving the leaders of the
Ministry and comrades from the Central Committee. Here is a brief
report on the key items:

Nom de plume

For decades employees of the Ministry of Everything  were signing all
documents with their last, followed by their first name. Not a
particularly inflammatory choice, but out of nowhere the Transparency
Office declared that the order is to be changed "effective
immediately."  Apparently "there are reasons" for the change, because
the first name is "easier" and "better to start with." It would all be
straightforward if not for the fact that the fine print accompanying
the order specified that some of the first names are "not simple
enough." Indeed, among our new employees some have rather exotic
names. This includes two male comrades with first names Koscibor and
Zubrzydar, and well as female comrades Kocilapcia and Darmozjada. The
instructions indicated that we ought to change these names temporarily
to Jan and Maria respectively. Kocilapcia was agreeable but Zubrzydar
claimed that the name is his own and not subject to change. Some
comrades were sympathetic but others felt that the concept at the
heart of the issue is to adopt a properly sounding nom de plume such
as Lenin or Stalin, rather than to cling to what overexcited parents
concocted decades earlier. This quickly squelched the discussion and
these days Jan and Maria account for half of our colleagues' names.

Children of the corn

As I described a long time ago, beets, potatoes and corn represent the
central focus of the Botany Unit. There is a great deal of synergy and
healthy rivalry between comrades dealing with these crops, but
occasionally some conflicts arise.
As hinted here and reported there, the Corn people got preoccupied
with the idea of adding the word "Corn" to the name of the Botany
Unit. It was a contentious and complicated issue and the Central
Committee mulled over it for a long time. The final decision was to
keep the old name  but to  request a detailed report on the role and
presence of corn in society. The point was to validate the main
claim of Corn people that corn is everywhere, that society is infused
with corn thinking and corn mentality, and that ultimately corn-based
farming will defeat capitalist pigs. A very distinguished committee
was appointed and the search for  children of  the corn commenced.
Optimists were hoping to connect with vast and distant communities
and generate synergy akin to being united with the ten lost tribes of
Israel. Pessimists anticipated homunculi and miscreants languishing in
hard-to-foresee locations, and children of the corn, as the legends
have it,  being corn worshippers of the worst order, hostile and
vengeful creatures dabbing in beet and potato sacrifice. The report
did not side with any of these views and frankly,  the finding
represented well known grievances of the corn community. The comrade
presenting the report, a friendly and eloquent chap,  began with some
brief coverage of the generalities and then delivered the only
recommendation regarding corn: "more human consumption." "From the
cradle to the grave," he added pointedly. In the brief pause after this
pronouncement,  a senior comrade chairing the Ministry committee was
overheard saying "Do they seriously want us to eat all this stuff?"
and this remark uncorked another bottle of anti-botanical sentiment.
Lively discussion ensued, led by meat and gravy lovers, another
phantasy entertained by our Ministry, but luckily we soon moved to
another topic that stirred up a lot of emotions --

Missing toilet paper

Lavatories of the Ministry of Everything are supplied with government-provided toilet paper. A mere pleasantry but much appreciated.  As a
result of battling capitalists, there is a general shortage of just
about everything and it has been noticed that toilet paper
disappears at an accelerated rate. In fact some wanton wreckers leave
small squares hanging on the doorknobs to demonstrate their
anti-social tendencies. Consequently, some comrades took to writing on
the walls of the stalls to express their frustration. During the discussion
the following options emerged:

1. remove the stall walls,
2. provide individual rations of toilet paper,
3. seize and punish toilet paper wreckers,
4. bring your own toilet paper.

The last option was quickly eliminated, even though that is what
everybody is doing anyway. Writing on the stall's walls was recognized
as a problem but some comrades noted that it is not the lack of the
toilet paper that they are writing about! (although I heard
someone mumbling that the choice of medium might not be unrelated). I
glanced at the comrade who proposed removing the stalls' walls
altogether and got a strong sense that this is  quite a pervy solution
and squatting next to him is asking for trouble. Others thought
likewise and the idea was abandoned as well. Consequently, we were
left with catching and punishing the wreckers. A perfect choice!  It
is unlikely that anybody will be ever caught but the educational value
of developing cunning, stealth and arts of evasion will be a lifetime
lesson for many. Suddenly the Party's infinite wisdom pierced the fog
shrouding my mind and I felt that a bright future lies ahead.

Continued here.